We live in a society where our attention is constantly being solicited, yet we often fail to realise how tiring it can be to manage our minds when they seem to be going their own way. Talking about ADHD in ADULTS today means opening a new door to inner experiences that have been neglected or misunderstood for too long, but also building a safe space in which to ask questions, look inside ourselves and perhaps discover that what we experience every day has a name, explanations and possibilities for real change.
Understanding adults with ADHD: not just inattention
The first image that often comes to mind when we hear about ADHD in adults is of a person who is constantly distracted, unable to finish what they start or to stop and think before acting. But the real experience goes far beyond the classic definitions: ADHD in adults consists of an internal whirlwind that is difficult to describe, thoughts that seem to flare up all at once, and an effort, almost invisible to others, to keep up with daily demands. Have you ever wondered what lies behind these manifestations? Often, they are cognitive patterns rooted in childhood, which take on new meanings and challenges in adulthood.
It is not simply a matter of “not listening” or “being lazy”. For those living with ADHD, the world can resemble a crowded scene in which every stimulus wants to be the centre of attention. It is like observing reality through lenses that constantly change colour and shade: everything is faster, more intense, sometimes more interesting, but also more chaotic. Details are either overlooked or become disproportionately important, often leaving a sense of frustration and inadequacy.
The impact on relationships and work
Difficulties with attention or a tendency towards impulsiveness are just the tip of the iceberg. How many times have you felt that others don't really understand you, that you have to justify yourself for forgetfulness or minor “disorganisation” that is part of everyday life? In relationships, those who live with adults with ADHD may perceive an invisible distance, sometimes generated by judgements or misunderstandings. At work, on the other hand, internal restlessness can translate into difficulty meeting deadlines and planning and carrying out projects. This does not mean that people with ADHD are not capable of being competent or reliable. On the contrary, they often have unexpected resources and talents, such as above-average creativity or a unique resilience in getting back up after every fall.
It is worth pausing to reflect: what price does a person pay for always feeling “wrong” compared to external standards? The stigma surrounding adults with ADHD often affects self-esteem, insinuating doubt that the problem lies in one's own will or character. In reality, the difficulties are related to a different way of functioning, not a lack of personal value.
When the diagnosis comes late
Many adults only discover they have ADHD after years of misunderstanding, academic or professional failure, or after their son or daughter has been diagnosed. Sometimes the most immediate reaction is a combination of relief and anger: on the one hand, there is finally an explanation for their experiences, but on the other, the question may arise, ‘Why didn't anyone notice this before?’
This step has enormous emotional weight. Discovering ADHD later in life is like looking at yourself in the mirror with a different light: what previously seemed like mere “disorder” takes on the form of a pattern, and slowly the idea that it is possible to develop new strategies begins to take hold. But the risk is to give in to regret, to get caught up in comparing yourself to your own history. A useful question in this regard might be: how can I use this new awareness to change my inner dialogue instead of remaining a hostage to old wounds?
Towards respectful, tailored therapy
Dealing with ADHD as an adult in therapy often means working on many levels simultaneously. There is a practical side, linked to managing activities, organising time and training certain cognitive skills. But there is also – and perhaps above all – a deeper dimension, in which old patterns of thinking and beliefs that may have taken root in the past emerge. Mistakes, forgetfulness, and emotional crises experienced in early life often translate into self-judgement or fear of disappointing those close to us.
In therapy, we try to create a space where no question is embarrassing or “inappropriate”. Experiencing a welcoming environment makes it easier to explore, without shame, those parts of oneself that one would normally prefer to hide. A therapist accustomed to working with ADULTS with ADHD does not offer ready-made solutions: instead, they accompany the patient in recognising their needs, building concrete strategies and developing new ways of interpreting their internal reactions.
Skills to discover: not just limitations, but resources
One of the biggest challenges is to stop thinking about yourself only through the filter of what you lack. What would happen if, instead, you tried to focus on your strengths? Some people with ADHD say they are extremely intuitive, quick to make connections and passionate about projects. Of course, the risk of distraction remains, but that same energy can be channelled when you learn to recognise it and direct your attention towards what really matters.
It is important to ask yourself: in what contexts have you felt comfortable and able to give your best? Giving space to this question helps to loosen the grip of self-criticism and move towards a more multifaceted and less judgemental image of yourself. This step, often gradual, can pave the way for new professional and personal choices that are less tied to conformity and more guided by authentic values.
Adults with ADHD and the future: a trajectory still open
Many fear that once they have been diagnosed, after the initial relief has passed, all that remains is a sense of precariousness or condemnation. In reality, awareness of ADHD in adulthood can become the first step in a process of redefining not only practical strategies, but also one's relationship with oneself and with others. Learning to live with ADHD does not mean eliminating difficulties, but rather ceasing to interpret them as personal faults, placing them in a context that allows for understanding, compassion, and genuine growth.
Perhaps the most intense question accompanying this journey is: from today, with what I know about myself, what can I choose to take care of my uniqueness? In psychotherapy, finding your own answers to this question means moving from an idea of “managing the disorder” to a real experience of change.
Being an adult with ADHD is therefore much more than just an acronym or a diagnosis: it is an ongoing story, made up of possibilities, challenges and the potential for genuine personal growth.